Letting Go
by AntimonyAvenger
Summary: ENDGAME SPOILERS AHEAD! Natasha and Steve travel to Vormir to get the soul stone, only to make the ultimate sacrifice.


**WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD! READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL!**

**When I was watching Endgame this scene hit me hard, like I'm sure it did for everyone else, but then I started thinking. What if instead of between Natasha and Clint it had been between Natasha and Steve. And what if they were in an established relationship at the time. And then this fic happened and I'm not entirely sure how. **

"There's only one option"

"Agreed" they stared at each other for a second

"I think we may mean different people"

"Steve, you have to let me do this"

"No, let me do this for you"

"The Avengers need you Steve, not me, you. They need someone to lead them, that's not me"

"Tony can do it"

"Tony will never lead, not like you can. When this works, everyone will need you"

"They'll need you too"

"Not like they need you. I'm replaceable, you're not"

"Don't say that, because you know it's not true. Not to me, not to anyone"

"I don't much believe in destiny, but you Steve, this is your destiny. To lead the Avengers, to fight the battles"

"I messed up Nat. I broke the Avengers"

"Without you there wouldn't be the Avengers at all"

"I'm not letting you do this"

"You don't have a say in the matter"

"Yes I do. You are not sacrificing yourself for me, I could never live with myself"

"And you think I could?"

"Please Nat"

"Don't make me do this Steve"

"I am not letting you sacrifice yourself Natasha" he yelled before she expertly swung her leg under his, knocking him to the ground and running at the cliff edge. He sprung back to his feet, tackling her to the floor before getting up and sprinting away. Their brawl went on and on, each one denying the other to jump, taking them down as soon as they even got close to the edge

"We can't keep doing this. One of us needs to die Steve"

"It's sure as hell not gonna be you"

"Well it's not going to be you either" she replied, wrapping her legs around his neck and taking him down. She ran off, jumping over the edge, starting to free fall when a hand grabbed hers, swinging her back towards the cliff wall. She looked up to see Steve clinging onto the edge of the cliff, holding her arm tightly.

"Let go Steve"

"No"

"Steve, we have to do this, and it has to be me"

"No it doesn't"

"Promise me you'll move on with your life"

"Don't talk like that"

"Promise me. Get the stone, get everyone back, throw me a kick ass funeral and move on with your life"

"Not without you"

"Let me do the right thing for once in my life. Let me wipe out all that red"

"Natasha"

"Let go"

"Nat"

"It's ok Steve. I promise"

"I love you"

"I know" he released his grip on her, feeling her fingers rush beneath his hand as she fell

"NAAAAAATTTTTTT" she screamed in agony, watching her fall. He could feel her bones crack as she hit the floor when a light surrounded him and everything went black.

He woke up in some water, blinking slowly as he sat up. He choked back a sob as the reality of what just happened hit him. He felt a burning sensation in his hand as he raised it, opening it and seeing the soul stone in his hand.

"Thank god" he mumbled to himself. He hadn't been entirely sure Red Skull was being honest, so the fact Natasha hadn't…no it wasn't even worth thinking about. He had to get off this desolate planet. When they'd first arrived, the eclipse, the water, everything seemed beautiful. Now it just seemed like a bad omen, all he could see was her eyes looking back at him in the water, despite the fact nothing was there. The red sky reminded him of her hair, fiery and never ending. The more he thought, the less he could comprehend. He pushed the button on his wrist and looked at the stone one more time before holding it tightly in his hand. He'd be damned if he lost this stone after everything Natasha sacrificed to get it.

* * *

They all popped up on the platform, some looking more damaged than others. He was sure he must have looked the worst, and made no efforts to pretend to be otherwise

"Where's Nat?" Clint asked, looking around and noticing her absence. He buried his face in his hands, letting the tears roll down his face

"Cap, what happened?" Tony asked, concern in his voice

"We…we got the stone" he managed to get out, shoving it into someone's hand, he wasn't sure who before jogging off the platform, avoiding the stares of his fellow Avengers.

He couldn't believe she was gone, just like that. No second chances, he would never see her again, and he wasn't sure his heart could take it. He sat on the bench looking over the lake, tears streaming down his face.

"How did it happen?" Clint asked quietly, leaning against a pillar holding up the roof

"The soul stone, it comes at a price. A soul for a soul. It was me or her, we didn't have a choice"

"And you let her die?"

"I tried Clint, I really did, but she flung herself off that cliff. I caught her, but it was too late, it was already over"

"As much as I hate to say it, she was right"

"I know" he mumbled, wiping his eyes slightly "Wait, how do you know-"

"How do I know what she said? I've known her a long time now, and I know that she said the team needed you"

"Captain, I know you miss her, I do to, differently, but anyway, she wouldn't want you moping. We need you to lead us, we need you to give us hope when we have none"

"She was happy to do it" he said after a while

"Wouldn't you have been?" Clint asked in response

"I would die a million times for her if it kept her safe"

"She never needed our help"

"No, but she wanted it, even if she told herself differently"

"I'm sorry I wasn't here, y'know, the last 5 years. I should've been here, for you, for Tash, for everyone"

"You were mourning"

"So was everyone, didn't give me the right to do what I did. It just killed me, all those bad people surviving, it hardly seemed fair"

"The universe isn't fair"

"No, Thanos isn't" he couldn't help a small chuckle at that. It had felt good seeing him die, it made everything seem a little less desolate

"She blamed herself. For everything, not just the snap, but everything she's ever done"

"She had red in her ledger, I guess she finally wiped it out"

"I guess so"

* * *

The war was won. They won, they defeated Thanos. But it didn't feel like it to any of them. The personal loses were just too big. He was there when Clint told his family about Natasha's fate, he was there for Peter and Wanda, because they understood how he felt, and he understood them. He knew he couldn't bring Natasha back, but he had to keep busy, which is why he volunteered to return the stones back to their original timeline

"You have to put all the stones back where they came from the moment they were taken"

"I know, I got this"

"Steve, please come back to us"

"Sam"

"Steve. You know you can't mess with time, you've watched enough movies to know that"

"I promise I'll come back. You can't get rid of me that easily"

"Stay safe man" Bucky said, hugging him tightly before letting him go

"In 5, 4, 3, 2, 1" Bruce counted down as he disappeared into time

He had returned all the stones back to their original locations, some being harder than others. Apparently Jane Foster didn't take kindly to a raccoon taking out the thing that was trying to kill you and Captain America trying to put it back in. But regardless, things were all back the way they were meant to be. Deep inside him there was the small hope that returning the soul stone would return his Natasha to him, but nothing had happened. He was at the final stop in his little tour through time, the Avengers compound a few weeks before Scott Lang returned from the dead. She looked just the same as she did the last time he saw her, just as strong, just as fierce, just as beautiful.

"Hey Steve" she finally noticed him staring at her through the glass window to the corridor

"Natasha" he breathed out

"Do you want something specific?"

"No, just wanted to see you. I missed you"

"I saw you 2 hours ago"

"I know, but I still missed you"

"You big whimp" she laughed as he sat down on the desk in front of her

"I just can't help but think what would've happened if I lost you in the snap"

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live Steve" she quoted at him

"You have been watching too much Harry Potter"

"I'm in mourning Steve. Daniel Radcliffe went in the decimation, I'm distraught" she grinned kissing him gently

"I love you, you know that right?"

"Course I do"

"I love you Natasha Romanoff, with all my heart" he told her, pulling her off the chair and close to him

"I love you too"

"No, I don't mean it like that"

"Like what?"

"A habit, an involuntary response. I love you, you are my everything Natasha. And I don't what I'd do without you" he tried to fight the tears in his eyes. She didn't need to see him like this when she was so happy

"Steve"

"Whatever happens, I will always come back to you. I'll always find a way to come back to you. I promise"

"Steve, you're scaring me. What's happening?"

"Nothing, but I just need you to know that"

"And I will always come back to you"

"Don't make promises you can't keep Nat"

"I could say the same for you"

"Ummm, I promised Rhodey I would call him tonight, so I should go do that" the excuse was flaky and he knew it, but he knew if he didn't get out of there, he wasn't sure he'd ever leave. He kissed her gently before turning to leave

"Steve" she called before he could leave

"I don't know what's wrong with you, but you don't have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Whatever it is, you can always talk to me" she told him, grabbing his arm gently

"What if I can't talk to you?" he asked

"Then someone is always willing to listen. Talk to goose if you really need to, he's a very good listener" she half joked, although he could hear the seriousness in her voice

"I love you"

"Whilst we're on this truth experience that you're on for some unknown reason, know I love you Steve"

"I know"

"You changed my life Steve, and whatever happens in the future, which I presume is where you're from, just know I did it for you." The irony of her statement was not lost on him, he knew she did it for him, it was one of her many reasons at least.

"How did you-" he started before she cut him off

"You can't lie to me Steve. Just tell me one thing, did we win?"

"I didn't" was all he could bring himself to say

"Steve"

"You can't tell anyone about this, in fact I'm fairly sure Bruce will kill me when I get back"

"I wouldn't dream of it. I'll see you soon okay" she reassured him, cupping his face lightly

"I know. I'm sorry"

"Me too" she whispered, dropping her hands before kissing his cheek gently. He grabbed her hand giving it a final squeeze before letting go, letting go of her forever.

**AN: Any follows, favourites or reviews are greatly appreciated**


End file.
